Saturday, 26 December 2015

Signs

It's early morning on Boxing Day. I've been up for hours. Tons of stuff roaming around in my head. It's been quite a year. Not a great one for many of us. I'm also going to add on the positive side not nearly as bad as it has been for millions of others. Family members and friends didn't make it through this year. I guess when you're in your 50's it starts to happen more frequently than when we were in our 20's & 30's. Life goes on for us left behind...we go on and remember the loved ones lost. They might not be around but they are always in our hearts and heads. 

I'm not by any stretch of the imagination a religious person. Why well I  have my reasons. I do think I've an open mind that death isn't it for us. The older I've gotten the more I believe that...not just because I'm starting to face my own mortality. I believe I've been receiving signs for loved ones. I'm not claiming I'm able to communicate with those who have departed this world. I just seem to get signs that I interpret as a loved one letting me know they are around. 

These signs have been little things, like a scent. I know this sounds a bit silly, my Mom use to wear a deodorant that's not available now. It had a distinct scent, I get a whiff of it once in a while when no one else is around.  A picture in a news paper just after my Dad's death earlier this year. Our last outing together was to see the Sea Lions that sun themselves in Fanny Bay. I couple of days after I went back to work there they were on the front page of the news paper. Or the latest one was a Medium directed to tell me about something she couldn't have possibly know about while I was in the store browsing around. No she didn't ask me to buy anything she just wanted to know why she had been directed to talk to me about the worry stones I was standing beside. I'm quite sure it was my Dad saying hi and also having some fun. The Medium had goose bumps all over her arms....she thought it was wonderful my Dad was starting her day off with so much energy. Dad slightly freaked out the Medium...he would have laughed about that. British sense of humour. Oh and no I wasn't there to get a reading I was in the shop browsing around for Christmas gifts. It's ok if while you're reading this you're sceptic, I wouldn't push what I believe happened for me on you. 

On a good note...I might finally be able to buy a place of my own. It's a small place, I will be down sizing. It will have some property so I can finally have a garden. Now just to get rolling on all the stuff I have to do to get the mortgage for it. 

Positive thought....Our loved ones may be gone in body, but they are never really gone as long as we keep them in our heart. Here's looking forward to a wonderful year. 

Sunday, 28 June 2015

Rambles of the mind!!

It's really amazing what goes on in the mind in the middle of the night. A couple of weeks ago during a sleepless night my mind decided it needed me to write down it's thoughts so if could quieten down.  It's not poetry but just rambles of words strung together after midnight.  At least after writing the thoughts down I was able to get some sleep!!

Who am I? An imperfect human. I love, have loved and will love. I've been hurt and possibly hurt. My body shows the signs I've lived. My mind has learned, it remembers, in the coming years it might forget. I'm not perfect for all, I'm perfect for the few. The few who loved me, who love me. An imperfect human. A perfect me!


It's dark outside, I should be asleep. What is sleep? A time when the mind takes a break. A break from the daily grind. Does the mind ever sleep? If it does why am I awake? My mind has woken from sleep, it has things to ponder thoughts to analyze. Please mind take a break from your thoughts let me drift back to sleep before the break of dawn. 



The thoughts of my mind race through the night. How the mind does wander. What paths tonight will it take? Twisting, turning trying to reach the end. Though the journey maybe long and windy, let the mind find peace as it works through each thought. Trying to find conclusions at the end of each path. Hopefully there are conclusions to be found at the paths end.


The consistency in ones life is change. Change besides birth and death are the only things that are consistent in all life. 


Good thought for the day:  Enjoy what your mind has to offer you in the middle of the night. Often when you stop thinking the solutions to your questions arrive. 

Monday, 9 March 2015

The Passing of a Wonderful Man

It's been ages since my last post. My Dad's health and well being stayed the same for quite sometime. I could though see his mind slipping away. He was as usual able to get through the Flu & Norwalk virus season. In the three weeks we couldn't go into the Senior's Village, so we didn't spread the  Norwalk virus, Dad started to have more frequent mini-strokes. When I was able to start with my visits again at the end of January I could see the toll they were taking on him. Interaction had changed again he was less responsive but I could still get a smile and a laugh. Thankfully his dementia didn't take that completely away from him.

On February 11, 2015 the nurses noticed that my Dad wasn't his usual self. They did a quick test and found he had a bladder infection. That's not uncommon in older people. He had a couple before and was treated with antibiotics. This time it was different, by day 4 he just wasn't bouncing back as he usually did. I could tell this time things weren't going well. He was again tested and the infection was gone by the 7th day. I'm not sure what changed this time, was it his mind and body saying that enough was enough. After 88 years on this earth it was time to leave?

What ever it was in him that decided, it was time, made sure he didn't linger.That was one thing he had always feared, he would be lingering in bed for years. His decline happened so fast. It seemed peaceful and rather easy if you can say that about dying. He stopped eating and started sleeping more through that last week. We respected his wishes of no excessive intervention. The wonderful Care Aides,  Nurses and his Doctor of the Senior's Village showed love and respect while caring for him. 

On what was to be his last day, I received a call in the morning saying I should get over right away. It seemed death was only a few hours away. I help my phone up to his ear as my brother was still in AZ for him to say goodbye. I know I saw Dad's eyes move so I'm sure he recognized my brother's voice. My Dad held on until about 12:30 am the next morning Feb 23, 2015. I was just going to lie down on the cot in his room but before doing that I had decided I needed to put another blanket on him. He then opened his eyes for a few brief moments, I was able to reassure him I was still there, then he took one last breath. It was over!!  Why did he wait until February 23rd. We realized it was his Dad's birthday!! The Universe is mysterious. 

I can't say I'm a religious person as I'm not. Somewhat spiritual is more how I feel. Do I think Dad is at peace I think so as in his room it felt peaceful. I also think he sent me a sign a few days after going back to work. One of the last outing we shared was a trip to see the Sea Lions at Fanny Bay. He so enjoyed that day. On the front of the newspaper was a picture of those Sea Lions!! Was that his sign to me I think it was. 


Rest In Peace Dad....you are loved by many!!!

My good thought for the day.... I know how much I was loved!!!  

Monday, 21 July 2014

It can be hard to smile..but I will

Two weeks ago was a rather difficult week in my Dad's life. His dementia was taking over his body during that week. There was a probable small stroke & a fall. Me being the only one dealing with these events had a rather gloomy mental point of view during the week. Being the one who receives & deals with the phone calls from the Seniors village does take it's toll. When ever I see the name, from the place he is living, come up on my phone my heart rate goes up. Of course I know that the issues I deal with are not that big compared to the problems of some people. Knowing this doesn't always make it easier to see the brighter side of life. 

Dementia is a horrible disease. For the person going though it and the family members. It's amazing how fast Dad's state of mind has deteriorated since 2011. Even in the past year he has gone from a man who could live in Assisted Living to needing 24/7 care. He thankfully still has a sense of humour. I feel though, some days, my visits trigger sad memories for him. The other day when I was over he had a very hard time figuring out where my Step-mom was then he would realize Beryl was dead. His mind has some of the events of her death, but most of them are now scrambled. It's so sad watching him remember over and over her death. He also doesn't remember he was with her right through to her last day.  He feels like he has let her down because he wasn't there, when indeed he was by her bedside. Hopefully his mind will stop with the sadness of remembering Beryl as it has done in the past. I try the best I can to comfort him and try to get his mind to go to other happier thoughts. 

My positive thought for today....Dad did rebound from a bad week. For that I am able to smile.

Monday, 5 May 2014

Weather Pictures

Sun Setting on a Foggy January Evening 2014

Foggy January Evening 2014
Feb 10th 2014

I think this was in the afternoon of
 Feb 10th 2014
Waiting for my car to defrost early morning Feb 24th 2014

It had been snowing through the night
 Feb 24th 2014
The parking lot at work. Feb 24th 2014 I was
 one of the first people into work at 6 am.

The drive to work wasn't fun Feb 24th 2014 Ryan Rd Hill
was a mess of deep slushy snow!

My FB Weather Reports

Another month gone by....ok time you can slow down!! 

For a number of months I have been working early shifts...some say extremely early shifts. This means I'm at work usually at 6 am. Sometimes when I'm working in the back office I have to be there for 5:30 am. This means I'm up no later than 4:30 am. I have to have time to slowly start my day. That means a shower and tea & toast. I usually check my FB page while I'm having my breakfast. I started to write on my FB page a small quick weather report for my fellow co-workers. This isn't the detailed weather report of people with lots of technology. My reports consist of me looking outside and checking my thermometer on my patio door. I also have a barometer in my place. The reports started as a way to let my fellow workers know if they had to scrape their car windows. To watch out for icy roads on their drive to work. I usually then try to sign off with something positive to all.  

I've been doing this since January and I seem to have a bit of a following.  To my surprise, a number of co-workers, friends and even their spouses have told me they enjoy the read in the morning. I've even got some of my Aussie relatives waiting for my reports. Of course they might be a bit bias as they are after all relatives! It's really nice to know people enjoy my posts. I've always though/felt I should have been a writer or a person who had some sort of artistic talent. I've always known my thoughts don't stay organize enough to write a novel or even an article for a magazine. Heck I know when I'm writing this blog my thoughts often scatter as I'm writing. I also know, I really don't have any artistic talent in my soul to create anything artsy. I feel that my small FB posts help me free some of those artistic feelings. I will never have a huge following but that's ok. If I can bring a smile to a few people in those early hours when we are getting ready for another day of work then I will keep on writing my morning weather reports. Of course if I'm on a later shift you'll have to look out the window yourself and decide if you need to give yourself a few extra mins to get to work on time and safely!! 

Positive Thought: Do something you enjoy. If it gives another person a reason to smile then that's an even bigger bonus!

Monday, 7 April 2014

Jump Forward

We are already into day 7 of this 4th month of 2014. How rapidly this year seems to be flying by. On the positive side..winter has finished. It has for us on Vancouver Island, sorry to the rest of my fellow Canadians there might be still a few flurries in your forecasts.  

My life hasn't changed much since the last time I wrote in my little blog. I go to work, I visit with my Dad, and I make sure my two crazy cats are fed. It has changed again for my Dad. After five months in the TCU at the hospital, a bet suddenly became available in a long term Seniors Centre here in Courtenay. This happened in the beginning of December. I got a call on a Friday and on the Monday they moved Dad. It's in the buildings where he was in the Assisted Living part of the complex. So, for me it's an easier transition. He unfortunately doesn't really remember he was in the other buildings. His mind has rapidly declined over the past year....a year ago this month was the start of the what I'll call rapid decline. Up to his fall at this time last year he was holding his own with the dementia. 

I must say up until yesterday I've been dealing with his dementia, I guess I'll say fairly well. Yesterday was a bit different. His mood was rather agitated. I guess I can honestly say it was a learning day for me how do I deal with an adult who's mind can't rationalize things now. I know I was dealing as I would have with a small child...you can't do this with a person with dementia. So after I took time to talk with the LPN & Care Aides. I realize as much as you might want to argue the point it won't help the situation. I know I in the future might just have to say goodbye and walk away for both our sakes. Lessons learned.

Tomorrow I'm going to get in touch with the RN. I need to have a discussion about Dad & his care, etc.  I need help with getting through all of the new things that I will be facing as this terrible disease takes over my Dad. As I've always said I will try to write about positive things, I know today this doesn't seem so positive. I have learned today so that's a positive!!

Positive thoughts today: I have the support of the Caring Staff at the Seniors Centre where my Dad is living. They help him & myself, how they do it day after day I'm not sure. Again I can't stress enough how wonderful they have been in this difficult time of life.